This is a homage (or not), to the etiquette that binds us when we communicate. It might be more informative to say, ‘I hope you’ve enjoyed your lunch. I had a sandwich, what did you consume?’ instead of the mundane, I hope this finds you well…
I hope this finds you well.
I hope you’re not sideswiped with a sore throat, or frazzled with flu.
I hope a fever is not bleaching your brain, every sentence broken and out of joint.
I hope this finds you well,
Or maybe not, you might be shot, caught in a bear trap on the rap for bad debt, or straining to take a crap, I don’t care, though politely I must peel a piece of personal trivia to show empathy. Something about your passion project on 3D printed condoms for third world countries, how’s it going? What do you call it? Rubber meets the road?
You aren’t really my dear, any more than a deer in the woods is no closer to a MacDonald’s drive-through, Any more than btw fyi imho rtm could also be a line of spam, or a message from your boss.
We say these things out of etiquette, coded alphabets, a best of slow rock album that has to have Bryan Adams and Scorpion. Our tongues are fine tipped lines of poison. These are the songs we have chosen, to sell you spells in thoughts of hell, silver bells and cockeyed shells. I hope this finds you well, please don’t tell, because you only get one exclamation mark. It could be used for the obligatory congratulatory sub sub point, or to feign interest in a well curated Pinterest.
You told me to please revert, so noted, with thanks.
On my flanks, in my shanks, noted with thanks
Close the ranks, run the banks, noted with thanks
Let’s be frank, need a spank? Noted, with thanks
My bullets points are leaden with leading lines, my subtext an incendiary mine, my signature speaks in sine wave, my drafts autosave. I will not hire or fire or wire money via this message, but I might quote you a line from a Wordsworthy passage:
And now I see with eye serene
The very pulse of the machine
Best regards… What exactly are best regards?
Do they have little booties on them, a bow tie? Discount codes?
Just wondering, no response needed.